the suppressed anger
Dear Kailey
I try to make it a point not to rant about your dad to you, but some days his behaviour just takes the cake. I want to believe that even though he is not good to me, he has you on his mind. But I don't think that's the case.
And for that, I'm sorry.
The latest topic in my support group discussion is on anger. We are supposed to express who we are angry at, and rate them on a scale of 10.
This is an excerpt of what I posted:
ab dad - 10
Dear AF, I am just so angry. I've been angry with you for a long time now, long before the ab happened. I hated you during the period just before and after the ab. I'm just so pissed off with your reaction now, three months after the ab. Beneath the surface of the man I fell in love with, you're just an insensitive ******* who never understood what the word "love" means. The abortion saved your lifestyle and your life, but it destroyed mine. You have never understood that, and I'm guessing you never will. You said you would try to make my life easier but you never did. A lot of things you say and said are just bull**** designed to get you off the hook of the moment. You are stingy with your time, your money and your love. I have finally seen clearly what an immature jerk you are.With any luck, I will never meet someone like you again.I'm not forgiving you for a lot of things, not for a long time.
me - 9
Dear Me, I am angry because you are so stupid. Of all the decisions you have made in your life, the stupidest is to go back to AF and the next stupidest is to let him coerce you into an abortion. You could have thought it through carefully. You could have weighed up your options carefully. You have a right to the decision process too.The only reason why you got a 9 instead of a 10 is because your love for the baby is very real and very much.
...
Your dad broke my heart, not just once but many times.
Him not bothering to remember your existence was probably the last straw.
I don't want to influence how you feel about him, but sometimes it's so hard.
I miss you so much babe.
I try to make it a point not to rant about your dad to you, but some days his behaviour just takes the cake. I want to believe that even though he is not good to me, he has you on his mind. But I don't think that's the case.
And for that, I'm sorry.
The latest topic in my support group discussion is on anger. We are supposed to express who we are angry at, and rate them on a scale of 10.
This is an excerpt of what I posted:
ab dad - 10
Dear AF, I am just so angry. I've been angry with you for a long time now, long before the ab happened. I hated you during the period just before and after the ab. I'm just so pissed off with your reaction now, three months after the ab. Beneath the surface of the man I fell in love with, you're just an insensitive ******* who never understood what the word "love" means. The abortion saved your lifestyle and your life, but it destroyed mine. You have never understood that, and I'm guessing you never will. You said you would try to make my life easier but you never did. A lot of things you say and said are just bull**** designed to get you off the hook of the moment. You are stingy with your time, your money and your love. I have finally seen clearly what an immature jerk you are.With any luck, I will never meet someone like you again.I'm not forgiving you for a lot of things, not for a long time.
me - 9
Dear Me, I am angry because you are so stupid. Of all the decisions you have made in your life, the stupidest is to go back to AF and the next stupidest is to let him coerce you into an abortion. You could have thought it through carefully. You could have weighed up your options carefully. You have a right to the decision process too.The only reason why you got a 9 instead of a 10 is because your love for the baby is very real and very much.
...
Your dad broke my heart, not just once but many times.
Him not bothering to remember your existence was probably the last straw.
I don't want to influence how you feel about him, but sometimes it's so hard.
I miss you so much babe.
posted by kailey's mum at
13:47
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