the imaginings

Dear Kailey

This step is for you.

...She would have been like me - stubborn, cheeky, fiery, an absolute tyrant with a megawatt smile. She would be running around all day, giving me headaches as I try to stop her. She would have been a little vainpot just like me, wanting to be dressed up nicely and her hair tied up in different styles. She would be like her daddy too, inquisitive and passionate and fighting for what she believes in. She would have many suitors and boyfriends and make me worry for her. She would have sat down and have coffee with me, asking questions like "So what was it like in your days, mum?" She would cry over boys and relationships and then realised I've been through it all too. She would have fought with me over things like skirt lengths and curfews and then we'd make up when she realised how much I care about her. She would have called me mummy a million times by the time I closed my eyes for the last time.
She would have been the light of my life.

Losing her puts an emptiness in my life, one that would be permanent. She is my first child and always will be, and that fact makes her irreplaceable. I also know that no matter what happens, I will always miss her. The sinking feeling when I think of her will never be gone.