the anniversary

Dear Kailey

You've been gone a month now.
I still haven't forgiven myself.
I spent the whole night crying.

the aftermath of the operation

Dear Kailey

I'm in so much pain now.
God I wish I'm dead.

the day i told your grandma

Dear Kailey

I told my mum, your grandma, about you today.
She said you're my blessing in disguise.
I think so too.

the day before the operation

Dear Kailey

Tomorrow is Mummy's big operation.
If I should die on the operating table, I would be glad.
Then I would be with you.

the one about angels

Dear Kailey

My therapist says you could be a cherub angel now.
Are you, my darling?

You would be the sweetest angel there is.

the bleeding

Dear Kailey

I'm bleeding like a waterfall still.
Oh god, it's punishment for making that damn decision.

I think of you every waking minute.
I wish I can hold you in my arms.

the argument about life

Dear Kailey

I can't believe your dad.
Up till now he still insists that life does not begin until a baby is born.

Damn him.
You were alive.

the cancer scare

Dear Kailey

The gynae confirmed that they found growths in me.
These growths could turn out cancerous.
It wouldn't be discovered if not for the abortion.
I need to schedule an operation to remove them.

Oh baby, were you here to save my life?

the day you were named

Dear Kailey

I finally named you today.
I just know that you are a girl.

You're taking my surname.
And you would only have one set of grandparents, my mum and my dad.

We all love you.

the poem

Dear Kailey

The following poem written by a lady named Becky says everything I want to say to you.
I'm sorry baby.

-----------------------------------

Inside me you lived,
For such a short time.
I gave my consent.
I committed a crime.

Life was a gift
That you didn't receive.
I loved you more
Then you'd ever believe.

Talking to you,
As I turn out the light,
"I love you. You know?
I miss you ... Goodnight"

Now you are living
In a world up above.
I can't see you or touch you.
But I give you my love.

The Angel up there,
Who's hand that you hold;
She'll be watching you for me,
Until it's my hand you hold.

I'll see you one day,
When we meet in the sky,
"This hello is forever.
Never again a good-bye."

The pain I remember,
Of letting you go.
I think of you always.
I Love You. You know?

Letting Go
by Becky
In Memory of Aaron Joseph
September 28,1997 - November 14,1997